Autogol

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Autogol

Sé que no has dejado de pensar en ese día, en ese instante en que viste cómo se elevaba el balón y se dirigía directo a tu cabeza. Todo sigue tan claro, tan diáfano, que aún, a veces te interrumpe el sueño y te despiertas con esa sensación indefinible, entre estar triste o feliz. Ha pasado tanto tiempo y ese recuerdo es tan caprichoso, como el de las mujeres que pudiste llevarte a la cama y despreciaste o te despreciaron,  o como el de los viajes que no hiciste por miedo o por pereza. Tal vez todos esos recuerdos confluyan en ese balón aéreo que venía lento y sin fuerza, sin peligro alguno, dirigido hacia ti, aquella mañana en el Bolívar, ese colegio inmenso que tenía una de las mejores canchas de la ciudad, en donde la brisa se confundía con el rumor del rio Pance y un sol hermoso que marcaba el camino a los buenos presagios, que empezaban en esa campo verde, como si fuera el paño de una mesa de billar, de tribunas llenas de gente gritando. Todo estaba hecho para fuera un día inolvidable.

Hay momentos que son imborrables, cicatrices de la memoria, que aparecen en cualquier momento, como si un búfalo irrumpiera a mitad de la noche por la ventana, resoplando y ese balón Adidas, igual al que un par de meses antes Fredy Rincón había deslizado, delicadamente entre las piernas del inmenso arquero alemán Illgner, en ese inolvidable minuto 93 en el mundial de Italia, se convierta en un dolor, en una angustia, aún después de tanto tiempo y que además, creas, después de darle muchas vueltas al asunto, que algo cambió en tu vida.

Dice Borges que cualquier destino, por largo y complicado que sea, consta en realidad de un solo momento: el momento en que el hombre sabe para siempre quién es. Y todos, esa mañana, bajo sol incandescente que golpea a tu ciudad cuando se acerca el medio día, parados dentro y fuera de la de cancha sabíamos, estábamos seguros de que esa pelota era para ti, que era tu destino, pero nadie contaba, ni tenía porqué saberlo, que siempre estabas imaginando el futuro, siempre viste lo que otros no vieron, y lo acomodabas, sin decirle a nadie, en el mejor escenario posible en donde serías el héroe, además y debes recordarlo mejor que yo, esa mañana te habían dado el dorsal número dos, el mismo con el que jugaba Andrés Escobar, a quién admirabas, a pesar de que estuviera en Nacional, el mismo número con el que el argentino Balbis se estaba haciendo grande en el América y al que ibas a ver cada domingo para estudiar sus movimientos para repetirlos en la cancha, especialmente el día en que te tocara debutar.

Y el balón acercándose lenta y decididamente hacia ti, y tu pensando en la mejor manera de rechazarlo, si con la elegancia de Andrés o la rudeza y efectividad de Balbis y mientras pensabas en eso, te perdiste en la ovación del público que no había ocurrido, en los aplausos del provenir, pensaste en el intercolegiado Nacional y te viste jugando en las canchas de colegios de todo el país, te viste levantando el trofeo y luego vistiendo la misma camisa de Balbis, no solo en el América sino en la selección Colombia, jugaste un mundial y volvías a Cali  montado en un carro de bomberos convertido en héroe, con un gran contrato en la Juventus, pero te olvidaste de que la esencia del fútbol es el balón y de repente sentiste cómo el Adidas te golpeaba en la cabeza y luego, un poco desorientado, cómo la pelota tomaba la dirección errónea, la que no habías planeado, como te ocurriría un montón de veces en los años venideros, como por ejemplo cuando decidiste que te harías pianista y descubriste que tu talento musical era nulo, o cuando dejaste que la amiga de tu hermana, que vino a visitarla desde El Cerrito a pasar quince días de vacaciones en tu casa, terminara perdiendo la cabeza por el vecino, cuando todo estaba servido para ti.

Pero tu destino estaba escrito, igual que en las tragedias griegas. ¿Te acuerdas la cara que pusiste cuándo viste que el balón tomaba la dirección equivocada? Si alguien me pidiera que definiera la angustia, ese rostro tuyo, viendo como el balón superaba a tu arquero y luego, como empujado por el viendo cruzaba la línea de gol en tu propia portería, la conceptualizaría perfectamente.

Pero sé que lo que vino después fue peor, porque el silencio que invadió las graderías del Bolívar fue tenebroso, no logro imaginarme, aun después de todo estos años que han pasado, cómo te sentiste tú, parado en la cancha, sintiéndote observado y mucho menos, cuando el entrenador te sustituyó; caminaste lento, sin levantar la cabeza, como si hubieras cometido el peor de los actos impuros de esa religión que Eduardo Galeano definió como la única sin ateos.

Recuerdo también el camino a casa, guardaste silencio y no quisiste aceptar la invitación a comer helado que te hizo tu madre, tampoco fuiste capaz de mirarla a los ojos porque sentías que la habías traicionado, que la habías decepcionado, a ella, que te apoyaba en todo, que te había traído guayos nuevos para tu debut, para que no fallaras los rechazos, a ella que había madrugado para acompañarte a atravesar la ciudad de norte a sur para llevarte al Bolívar, que se sintió orgullosa y feliz de que te hubieran dado el dorsal número dos, la única que aplaudió cuando fuiste sustituido, la única, también que no te reprochó tu debut y despedida del fútbol, como no lo haría nunca  con nada en la vida.

Sabes una cosa, ahora que te escribo estas palabras estoy seguro, de que después de que saliste del cuarto de tu madre, en el que te encerraste al llegar a casa, porque no querías hablar con nadie, fuiste otra persona, porque aunque nadie lo sepa,  y sin que me lo hayas contado, leer aquel libro que tu mamá tenía abierto sobre la mesa de noche, que leía una y otra vez como poseída, te cambió la vida. Te lo repito, tu destino estaba escrito, porque sumergirte, atrevidamente en la vida de Scarlet O´hara, que tu mamá se sabía de principio a fin, te dio fuerzas para comenzar de nuevo y levantar la cabeza, porque estoy casi seguro de que empezaste a leer y luego a escribir, con el único propósito de encontrar, algún día, la manera de cambiarle el rumbo a la pelota que te golpeó la cabeza aquella mañana en la cancha del Bolívar.

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