Salida en hombros por la puerta de atrás por Isabel Salas

Salida en hombros por la puerta de atrás por Isabel Salas

Salida en hombros por la puerta de atrás

“En dos campamentos construidos con madera se encontraban almacenadas bajo tierra 8 granadas para mortero, 8.200 cartuchos de munición, 5 portafusiles, 3 unif”

La voz se extingue con sólo apretar un botón. Esta vez apago la radio, hoy no tengo que escuchar.

Sí, soy periodista. Soy periodista y estoy harto. Hace cinco años escribo para el diario, desde ese entonces mi vida se ha sumergido en una rutina sin rumbo, en una suma de acontecimientos a los que no logro darles sentido.

El reloj suena a las 6:00 a.m., enciendo la radio y salto de una emisora a otra buscando la mayor cantidad de noticias. Pesco hechos y declaraciones mientras me ducho, mientras preparo el café sin azúcar que me termina de despertar, mientras salgo de casa, tomo el autobús y llego al periódico.

El sitio es frío. Las paredes de color pálido y el olor a húmedo que reinan en el lugar me recuerdan a una funeraria.

A veces salgo al parqueadero y mientras fumo un cigarro pienso en los posibles muertos que deben haber debajo de esta construcción, los imagino viniendo del más allá e invadiendo todo el lugar. Apoderándose de los computadores y escribiendo, quizás, sobre asuntos más esperanzadores que la realidad.

Hace unos años quería ser escritor. De eso, ahora queda poco, ya no puedo imaginar historias, siempre pienso en comienzos que carecen de final. Las páginas en blanco se han vuelto repetitivas. Hace años no escribo una sola palabra, ninguna ficción se apiada de mí y me saca de esta tediosa realidad.

Ahora sólo escribo noticias. Hablo con propiedad de la guerra, de las armas nucleares y de los secuestrados. Sé de los padecimientos del hambre, de la contaminación y de los alimentos transgénicos. Mi mente está llena de una cantidad de mierda que no me deja pensar.

Cada día una penosa cifra de seres humanos mueren traspasados por una bala. Entre tanto, yo estoy frente a un computador escribiendo sobre esos muertos que no conozco, muertos que ni si quiera alcanzo a respetar. Escribo acerca de ellos, sólo hago eso, tal vez sólo puedo hacer eso.

***

En el periódico me tildan de ermitaño, de amargado. Qué si lo soy, no lo sé. Mi más fuerte seguridad es que estoy harto.

Desde hace meses lo he estado pensando y creo que al fin ha llegado el momento. Aquí nadie me necesita. Tampoco es necesario este lugar, por supuesto. La historia ha demostrado que relatar los sucesos del mundo no cambia la realidad, sólo la hace más nefasta y ruin. Sin embargo, el diario se quedará para desmoronarse por su propio peso, pero yo, yo me largo.

Ya nada me ata, Luciana se ha ido. Hace un mes recogió sus cosas. Era un miércoles frío cuando me dijo al oído que no aguantaba más. Al día siguiente llegó al periódico con una maleta roja, empacó sus dos libros, una libreta de apuntes, un lapicero con la tapa rota y los dibujos que le regalé. En ese momento, de su partida, nadie se dio cuenta, tal vez sólo yo.

-¿Te vas o te quedas? – Me preguntó con la mirada tranquila de siempre.

-No lo puedo hacer aún, lo sabes- Respondí casi avergonzado.

Pasó su mano por mi cabeza, como peinándome con sus dedos, me tomó de la barbilla y de su boca salió la fatídica palabra.

-Adiós

Nunca un adiós había sido tan triste.

Han pasado 32 días, los he contado uno a uno, desde entonces no he vuelto a escuchar su voz. Sabía que así sería, ella es esa clase de personas para las que no hay vuelta atrás, para las que el pasado no existe.

Luciana se fue y nunca le dije que la amaba. Jamás le conté de mis sueños junto a ella, de cómo disfrutaba de su risa, de su mirada, de sus chistes fuera de lugar. Tal vez ha sido mejor así, nada habría cambiado en su vida si supiera que un tipo como yo la ama.

***

El autobús al fin arranca.

Es probable que hoy extrañen mi presencia en el periódico, pero no será nada del otro mundo. Allí todos están amaestrados para improvisar, así que cualquier otro tomará mi lugar.

Pensarán que estoy muerto, en el mejor de los casos, o creerán más bien que me he ido tras una aventura, desperdiciando la mejor oportunidad de mi vida, la oportunidad de seguir atrapado entre las rejas de la realidad y la miseria del mundo.

La ciudad va desapareciendo, poco a poco el verde lo invade todo. Cierro los ojos, pienso en el abuelo. Sé que ya no me recuerda, los años han hecho lo suyo y el viejo vive en un eterno presente. Será difícil, pero cada día me ganaré su confianza y me iré a dormir a sus pies. Día tras día le contaré quien soy, aunque nunca recuerde nada.

La semana pasada lo llamé, con la inocencia de un niño contestó el teléfono, como si fuese la primera vez que lo usara. Como siempre le dije mi nombre, le hablé de mi madre, del árbol que me ayudó a sembrar. Me  ha olvidado por completo.

Con el arrullador movimiento del autobús y el olor a campo llenándolo todo, imagino al abuelo saliendo de casa con una pala entre sus manos. Lo veo entregado a sus cultivos con el sudor bañándole el cuerpo. Siento sus pensamientos, cuento los tomates con los que sueña, los racimos de plátanos que desea.

Quisiera tener esa esperanza, esa que lo mueve cada día al ver la salida del sol, sin importarle que en su memoria el ayer no exista.

Con los ojos cerrados, meciéndome al ritmo del bus, lo veo allí, en su lugar, tan feliz… seré como el abuelo, olvidaré lo que he hecho, lo que he sido. Siento miedo.

Lloro.

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