No Digas Noche por Alejandra Méndez

No Digas Noche por Alejandra Méndez

No Digas Noche

Caracas, 29 de diciembre del 2018

Un dolor en el pecho blando se apodera cada tanto de la mañana. El llanto a oleadas se agolpa entre los ojos, aflora en medio del ritual de tomar café en el desayuno, en la intención de conquistar el ejercicio como un nuevo hábito. El estiramiento se ha convertido en una necesidad a fin de mejorar el insoportable dolor de caderas proporcionado por la falta de muchas cosas: amor físico, ejercicio, baile, caminatas agradables y largas. El detenimiento parece algo que ha mermado mi estado físico, aunque no mental, en los últimos dos años. Detenerse a pensar, a leer, a mirar, a volver a mirar.

Pienso que poco se comenta sobre lo que pudo haber sido de la espalda baja de Balzac, el hombre que para escribir la comedia humana cerraba las cortinas de su habitación por días. Quizás menos obsesivo pueda parecerle al lector el caso de Nabokov, quien usaba un bello escritorio alto de madera. La posibilidad de escribir parado, (yo) parada, es algo que contemplo con admiración. Se trata de una solución sobria y simple.

En todo caso, y mientras el dolor en el pecho se va borrando, y yo misma voy olvidando las razones por las cuales comenzaba este escrito matinal (no quiero aceptarlo como entrada de diario), pensaba en la suerte que tengo de que este dolor de alma, tan mío, coincida con la muerte de uno de los escritores más importantes de finales del siglo XX y principios del XXI: Amos Oz.

En efecto voy a fantasear con este asunto, quiero pensar en mi estado nostálgico, mi presentimiento de orfandad, como la consecuencia, mistérica, de la presentida muerte. Y así se encausa este dolor abismal en un dolor detenido, respetuoso, igualmente sincero, por la pérdida de un escritor que verdaderamente supo robar suspiros, paladear la cosa humana. La obra de Amos Oz, en especial su novela ‘No digas noche’, me ha sorprendido con la dulce sonrisa cómplice de quien, mientras lee, se dice hacia adentro: me descubriste, yo he vivido esto.

Ese maravilloso texto, que con árida dulzura robó el tiempo de mis horas de trabajo (porque nadie es productivo completamente cuando marca una tarjeta de ocho horas continuas de labor) me dejó encendido el hálito y hasta me llevó a pensar que Amos Oz me miraba, cual Dios, uno pillo y terrible, desde una mirilla para constatar que en el día a día sutiles y determinantes pensamientos, dudas, sentimientos e inseguridades, se forjan en la construcción de un individuo y en la contemplación de un otro.

Pero todos sabemos que se tratan de esas figuraciones que en realidad son universales. Qué fácil se dice esto, ¿no?, pero cuán difícil es crear un texto y pulir ese “lugar común” para convertirlo en arquetipo. Y así es esta novela, nos esculca, nos ofrece la radiografía, con ternura y con autoridad nos muestra las fisuras de lo cotidiano, lo que esconden nuestros sentimientos y pensamientos tras las manías de romper el hilo de una conversación, porque se es joven, inquieto, luciérnaga vital. Pero también muestra el pensamiento del otro, del que emerge de la calma para mirar la puesta de sol mientras que a lo lejos una detonación abre la noche.

Una pareja, dos sexos, dos edades, dos camas, dos vidas, dos maneras de comprender el mundo. Las inseguridades y la necesidad del otro. La búsqueda de un cariño pausado y vivo, la necesidad de la otra. Tensiones imantadas por el anhelo, el amor en plena costura. ¿Y acaso no son esos nuestros matrimonios, uniones anímicas con el otro, nuestras compañías humanas, mortales e imperfectas?

Lo cierto es que en un inicio pensaba en escribir algo vinculado con el año nuevo. El plan era hacer una crónica sobre cosas estúpidas y coherentes que preceden a los días felices y dolorosos de final de año. Esos días en los cuales una conversa consigo, persigue errores que se deben perdonar, busca eliminar inseguridades, y espera lograr pequeños cambios. Pero ha venido el dolor y la noticia, entonces, la pulsión vital y efímera se empieza a concretar en noble conmoción. Son las ganas de agradecerle a alguien su obra y su vida. Es decirle, a través de vasos comunicantes y espirituales, a un muerto desconocido que para uno, su lector, él no es un extraño. Como dice Luis Mancipe, mi amigo, Amos Oz comparte con su lector el espacio íntimo de la sobremesa, la cama, los suspiros en la madrugada. Para Oz, que nunca nos conoció, en realidad nunca hubo una limitante para ver nuestras vidas, en las vetas de la suya.

AM.

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