Carta a una lectora de Marcel Proust por Alberto Bejarano

Carta a una lectora de Marcel Proust por Alberto Bejarano

Marcel Proust
Imagen tomada de www.the-tls.co.uk. Marcel Proust, c. 1891 © APIC/Getty Images

Marcel Proust nació bajo las humaredas aún frescas de la Comuna de París (1871). A diferencia de los incendios actuales en París que achucharran los falsos ídolos y las decoraciones navideñas, en aquellos tiempos el pintor Gustav Courbet se puso a la cabeza de los obreros y almas libres (errantes como el eterno adolescente Arthur Rimbaud, quien había llegado a pie siguiendo la carrilera) y derribó con sus propias manos la columna de Napoleón I en la Place Vendôme. Eso le costó el exilio y la ruina, como lo retrata magistralmente Roberto Bolaño en la quinta parte de 2666…

Años después, el ya lacerado y ensimismado Marcel, en medio de la primera guerra mundial, se sumerge en la maraña de miles de páginas re-numeradas de su En busca del tiempo perdido y se abstrae de la realidad inmediata, presente, atemorizadora de los bombardeos sobre París, en medio de la luz centelleante, escribe en su cuarto, entre pieles antiguas y deambulantes por sus sensaciones. Lo suyo no era recrear tiempos ni espacios pasados: su proyecto imposible estaba marcada por la búsqueda de un ritmo atemporal del cuerpo, especie de epicureista sonámbulo y saturado de perfumes, sabores, olores, colores, sonidos y pieles, se estrellaba una y otra vez con la reverberación de la luz y la sombra de las cosas. Una de sus últimas visitas callejeras la consagró a ver por última vez LA VISTA DE DELFT de Vermeer en el museo del Jeu de Paume, fue apenas unos días antes de su muerte, lo que siguió fue el silencio ya eterno.

Quiero imaginar una carta apócrifa que uno de sus personajes escribiera a una mujer entre-vista en aquella ocasión:

“QUERIDA C La he visto ayer secretamente en el museo. Su vestido largo, de leves transparencias, simulaba una abertura tan larga como el sueño que tuve con usted anoche mismo. Las dos escenas se superponen: su cuerpo se alargaba junto a la ventana en la que entraba un viento abrumador, helado como el manantial de la montaña al que iba en mis años mozos, -al que no volví más- tan distante de las aguas termales que no pudieron curarme el año pasado. Curarme de un spleen trasnochado. Los cilindros de gas azul apostados tras las cortinas le daban una pálida tibieza al aire y quizá por eso prefería usted ese lugar, y le daba la espalda (¿a propósito?) al cuadro de Vermeer. Yo había ido a ver esa pintura, LA VISTA DE DELFT, porque necesitaba adentrarme más en la contemplación de las arenas del mar, especie de impresionismo avant l’heure, usted me entiende, como si los dichosos granos constituyeran los puntos secretos del vestido de las bailarinas de Degas…Una vuelta por el universo en una pista de hiela solitaria. Quizá usted sepa patinar, puedo oler su sudor haciendo giros en al aire, tocando los patines en zigzag entre la multitud del salón de invierno.

La imaginé saliendo del museo hacia un salón secreto de baile, como en una obra de teatro cuyo escenario estuviera colmado de abrigos de pieles y catleyas de la Nueva Granada. Allí iría usted (en mis sueños también) a bailar un nuevo vals, uno de los tiempos por venir, algo hecho más de percusión que de otra cosa, un sonido nuevo, un sonido salido de barcos negreros, ¿me sigue?, usted volaba entre la arena, hacía una danza aérea que no comprendía el público, los escasos asistentes a un espectáculo de variedades, más circense que de baile,… (entre los dientes usted se decía: “este debe ser el momento: todo o nada, ahora es nunca, tengo que entregarme al viento. Solo puedo rodearme de quien me impulse al vuelo, de quien me encienda más el vuelo…”

Su cuerpo se bamboleaba como un abanico japonés, su cintura era un imán que colmaba mi mirada, sus piernas temblaban por momentos como si alguien en secreto la estuviera apretando por la espalda, acercando ese otro cuerpo, de carnes calientes y apresuradas hacia usted, como si su cuerpo fuera un bambú ardiente, un tótem hecho de choques eléctricos (de los que le aplican a los enfermos de los nervios), como si su vida entera colgara de un hilo, quizá porque debía usted lanzarse al vacío en un movimiento arriesgado en el que se columpiaba con unas lianas satinescas reverdecidas, cosidas a mano por curanderas de malaria de las lejanas selvas,…eso no le importaría al público, a ellos solo les importaría verla caer de las telas colgantes, solo esperarían la caída, sí, su caída, y vendría entonces la risa y el abucheo…pero no fue así, en el sueño, usted se despojaba de su vestido enterizo, el mismo que tenía en el museo, de color violeta con una larga pañoleta que le servía para esconderse del mundo en la calle:

Isadora Duncan mezclada con Josephine Baker, bailando el ritmo alocado que llaman los africanos TAM TAM

Desnuda paisajeaba el frío estival esquivando las miradas de los intrusos. Yo la miraba fijamente. Usted se contorsionaba de acuerdo al viento. Parecía indecisa, como si le temiera al goce del no-destino, como si quisiera confirmar en el vacío que su movimiento debiera llevarla a otro movimiento, como si no la colmara el puro gesto salvaje de sentir el aire tibio en su piel. Sus pulsiones, sus vibraciones la asilaban. El mundo se caía a pedazos. INUENDOINFINITOPARTICULAR:

Yo no la conozco aún aunque la he saboreado, usted disuelta en un sofá que más parecía una hamaca por lo apretado de los cuerpos, yo la he saboreado para fundirme en sus caderas, baile mítico, de enmascarados, yo soy su amante secreto si usted se resuelve a no-resolverse, si yo la dejo ir y venir, y eso hago, como entre las telas invisibles ahora. Usted gime y se muerde en el desvanecimiento. Lo he visto. La semana pasada sentí su sonoridad entre sus piernas, el crujir de la piel entre-cortada, y bailé hacia usted en la penumbra, suave y fuerte a la vez, ¿lo recuerda? Acá paro en seco para no embromarla.

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